The Good Life

Respect

2011-10-06T23:05:00.000+05:30

I've always wondered why I respect grief more than happiness. Happiness, almost always, seems shallow. So much so that, even when there are moments of genuine happiness, it seems more valued and lasting, only if viewed from the context of grief. I mean, let's say I find myself in a 'moment', I'm in the presence of true beauty, say a beautiful ocean, at sunset, and I'm at peace... surrounded by good people and memories of good times. Simple, plain happiness.
But, at such a moment, if I think about the bad times, difficult times, when I was messed up (OK more messed up than now), when things were a lot more messed up, the peace of the present moment seems worthwhile, and the happiness, memorable. Happiness, by itself doesn't seem meaningful anymore.

Well...not always :)

I think the reason behind it is.... humility. We are humbled by grief. It takes us to places within us that are true, genuine and meaningful. It is always honest. Happiness is not.

Well...not always :)

One such exception was a moment I had a couple of days back. It was just past midnight, and I was on the Bangalore Metro on one of the trial runs. The train stopped at the SV road station I think, and I got down and started walking on the parapet adjoining the tracks. A little while later, I turned back to see what was the position of the train from where I was. The headlights were at 'high-beam' and blinding me and I had to cover my eyes. Seeing me, the driver dimmed the lights and what do I see, the gentle silver-violet train at the station, and right behind it, the moon, and it was HUGE! Not white, but yellow and yes, HUGE!! By the time I whipped out my phone to take a picture, the clouds had done the needful, but it was just WOW, that scene, that moment. Not because it was beautiful that moment, but because it was the culmination of a period in my life which was honest and satisfying. It was like someone telling me at the end of it all that I'd been a good boy

:)

Jo beet gayi so baat gayi

2011-10-06T22:00:00.003+05:30

Every time Ive read this poem, ive seeked it myself. And it has never failed me.

Jo beet gayi so baat gayi

Jeevan mein ek sitara tha
Maana woh behad pyara tha
woh toot gaya to toot gaya
Ambar ke aanan ko dekho
Kitne iske tare toote
Kitne iske pyare choote
Par bolo toote taron par
Kab ambar shok manata hai

Jo beet gayi so baat gayi

Jeewan mein tha who ek kusum
The us pe nitya nichawar tum
Woh sookh gaya to sookh gaya
Madhuwan ki chaati ko dekho
Sookhi kitni iski kaliyan
Jo murjhai phir kahan khili
Par bolo sookhe phoolon pe
Kab madhuvan shok manata hai

Jo beet gayi so baat gayi

Jeewan mein madhu ka pyala tha
Tumne tan man de daala tha
Woh toot gaya to toot gaya
Madiralay ka aangan dekho
Kitne pyaale hil jaate hain
Gir mitti mein mil jate hain
Jo girte hain kab uthte hain
Par bolo toote pyalon pe
kab madiralay pachtata hai

Jo beet gayi so baat gayi

Mridu mitti ke hain bane huye
Madhu ghat phoota hi kartein hain
Laghu jeewan leke aaye hain
Pyale toota hi karte hain
Phir bhi madiralay ke andar
Madhu ke ghat madhu ke pyale hain
Jo madakta ke mare hain
Woh madhu loota hi karte hain
Woh sachcha peene wala hai
Jiski mamta ghat pyalon par
Jo sachche madhu se jala hua
Kab rota hai chillata hai

Jo beet gayi so baat gayi

- Harivansh Rai Bachchan

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Mehsoos

2011-08-13T08:32:00.001+05:30

Kabhi tanhaayi mein jab khamoshi mehsoos hoti hai
Teri aawaaz jaise goonjti mehsoos hoti hai

Jise sochon ne dhaala ho, khyaalon ne taraasha ho
Wo chehraa dekh kar khushi kitni mehsoos hoti hai

Main thodi der bhi aankhon ko apni band kar loon to
Andheron mein mujhe ik roshni mehsoos hoti hai.

Tasavvur mein teri tasveer jab bhi main banaata hoon
Mujhe har baar rangon ki kami mehsoos hoti hai.

- Anonymous.

Bless you.

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Do tasveerein

2011-07-18T22:26:00.001+05:30

Do tasveerein dikhaayi usne mujhe
Pehli wo jismein hum the, tum the
chamkeeli dhoop, roshni hi roshni
aur wo sab jo na aaj hai,
na ab kabhi hoga

Doosri tasveer mein na tum the, na hum
wo tasveer thi kisi aur ki
uski soorat thi to bahut pyaari
par dil ko yaad aayi bas tumhaari

Kuch kahaniyaan yaad aati hain,
Kuch aur...bhoolne laga hoon.

Shine on!

2011-06-17T19:49:00.005+05:30

I was reading Stephen King's The Shining a few days back. I must say this book.... is severely Cool! And delightfully wicked. Definitely one of the Unputdownables. For those who haven't read it, the term "Shining" refers to the psychic ability that allows certain people to read others' thoughts, communicate telepathically and most importantly, foresee certain incidents before they actually happen, also known as clairvoyance. That's when I remembered that I'd had a very interesting clairvoyant vision myself about 9 years back in college and felt it must be on record here.

I think it was the 1st year of college when we were just getting to know each other in class & outside, beginning to hang out together, forming our own little groups which we'd stick to for the rest of the 4 years and choosing the people who would figure in almost every photograph taken in those 4 years. After the end of a very normal day at college, when I hit the sack that night, I had the most unusual dream. I was standing in front of the main college building, and in front of me, behind the Mech Engg Dept & next to the hostel block, was this huge new building getting constructed. The brick & cement structure was just being completed. I walked towards the building & reached the entrance.

A sprawling circular lobby area lay ahead of me & besides it, was a winding spiral staircase. I decided to take the staircase & started climbing. There was water dripping everywhere because the the cement structure was still being cured. Up & up I went until I reached the uppermost floor. I continued to climb to reach the terrace. There was a door to the terrace, but it was not locked & slightly ajar. When I peeked through the opening I could see...rose petals on the floor!

I opened the door very slowly & silently. And who do I find there? A pal of mine, with a girl from our class(who we hadn't even spoken to till that point) in a small pool or a tub (can't remember clearly what it was) with rose petals floating all over! It was so weird I woke up with a start, totally spooked out. What kind of a twisted, screwed up dream was that! There was no building out there in reality, it was just an open, barren ground & that girl...she was almost a complete stranger!

I told the guys all about the dream next day in college, it was an interesting dream to share & that was that. But it was a bit more than just that. In the next few months, the same guy & girl in my dream would begin to get closer and ultimately be in a very serious relationship almost right through college. Weird? There was more to come. About an year later, a new building to house the CS & IS departments was envisioned. And it was built at the exact same spot I had seen in my dream. It would be the tallest building in the campus & would tower above the rest, just the way it had in my dream. Getting weirder? Maybe not. After all the most obvious place for a new building would be the biggest open space available on campus. Where else could I have imagined a new building in my dream?

Well here's what I think has to be the eeriest turn of events which gives me goosebumps every single time I think about it. This new building that came up, had a spiral staircase, winding up from a sprawling circular lobby on the ground floor atop wide rows of steps leading up to it, exactly matching my dream, frame to...frame. See that grey-blue building next to the cricket ground in the picture below? That's what I'm talking about.

I haven't figured out how to explain this. Neither have my friends who heard me out that day when I told them about this dream & then were witness to whatever happened after that.

I really did SHINE that night!

My bucket list

2011-05-27T12:42:00.003+05:30

I find a lot of people talking about their bucket lists these days. A list of all the stuff they really want to do before they die which usually includes traveling to God forsaken Amazonian jungles, jumping off cliffs or aeroplanes, making uncomfortable conversation with ex GF/BFs & then convincing themselves that they've made up for past sins, driving a Ferrari etc etc. Here's mine(not that I don't wanna do any of the above):

Wander into a Lawrence & Mayo store & ask for a jar of mayonnaise
Defeat my friend Padma in at least one game of carrom, even if it means tying both her hands & blindfolding her.
Find out the color of Karunanidhi's eyes.
Figure out why parents are against the concept of young men & women living on the same planet.
To be on friendly terms (to at least know the imp events going on in their life) with 1 more person than my friend Murali. He knows everyone!
Meet the guy behind AbstruseGoose.
Find out what hyper-emotional journo Arnab Goswami is smoking.
Live long enough to see politicians being more expressive on TV & with the press in general. I mean, just imagine Dr Manmohan saying "We welcome the decision by the United States to lift controls on export of high technology items and technologies to India. Woo Hoo!!!!" or Obama(not Bush) saying "We will hunt him down & kick his Ass!!!"
And the one last question I'd like to be answered before I pop is, what the hell happened before the Big Bang?

Not a bad list eh?

The Whole 22 Yards

2011-05-25T15:00:00.005+05:30

Just like 99% of Indian men, I love cricket & everything associated with it. The remaining are those who say things like "I stopped watching cricket after the 1996 world cup" which just shows how hurt they were after that fateful night.

In my house there are as many classes of cricket enthusiasts as there are people (3). My mother, who will watch a match depending on the number of movie celebs in the stadium and hates it when the players dirty their clothes, pitying the poor souls who will have to wash, dry, blue, starch & steam-iron their uniforms to crisp chamakti Wheel safedi.

And then there's my father who will calculate & re-calculate the current & reqd. run rates after every 3 balls accurately to the second decimal & then look at me & smirk. He has also mastered the art of completely failing to distinguish a replay from the real-time pictures & therefore every time they show the replay of someone getting out, he'll yell "Aii Ayyyo!!! innu obba hoda!!!" (OMG another one gone!)

And then there's me. Good ol' me. I started watching cricket since the 96 WC & have been hooked ever since. Neither have I inherited the mathematical acumen of my father(a fact well established in class 10) nor the street smart savvyness of my mom(a fact well established when as a 5 year old I refused to eat street food in Delhi's Bengali market citing ideological reasons. What was I thinking?). I just lap up everything thrown at me by the Tube. And I've lapped up so much that its beginning to feel very repetitive now.

Every single time Ravi Shastri does the presentation ceremony, he starts with one of the following:

Ladies & Gentlemen, what an absorbing day's play it has been...or
What a cracker of a match we've had today...or
We've witnessed a spectacular game of cricket today.

My ears keep ringing with "Its been a quiet period, I just get the feeling something is about to happen" or the extremely prophetic "the last thing India need now is to lose a wicket". How they manage to lose a wicket immediately when anyone, especially Ravi Shastri says it, is a mystery.

But despite all that I remain a loyal, dumb, couch potato cricket fan who is no different from the million others out there. If I'm at work during a match, there will be a Cricinfo browser tab open & will be refreshed like crazy. If I'm driving, my avg speed betn home & office will be at least 5 kmph more than non-match periods. Every morning, the first page I read in the newspaper is the last sports page. I still don't move an inch when India is 102/4 needing 110 from 20 overs. And I will pump my fist every time India wins.

Last year I had gone to an IPL match with friends where we sat next to an old man probably in his seventies who had come alone & would stand up & dance & cheer in his own inimitable style. Something tells me I'll be no different. I just hope I'm not alone even then!

Cheers!

JAD

2011-05-07T20:04:00.002+05:30

When the alarm rang today morn, I still hadn't got Aaaar Seeeeee Beeeee, Gayle & the whacking he gave the 11 hapless punjabi boys out of my system (thx Ali, u totally like....rock man). And that match will always remind me of the rasam or shathamdu as its called in my house....o that tangy, spicy Tam/Kan delicacy was simply sublime, and who'd have thought I'd run into such exemplary culinary expertise at the Chinna stadium!

Anyway...um..err... Moving on... I opened my eyes to find texts telling me the ever-punctual Kafi was ready to hit the gym. So I scoot to the gym to find him there with that look which says....."Again?" But Im a master of my art too... All I had to do was give him my trademark disarming goofy laugh and greet him with some hyderabadi "kya miyaan aisa dekh re tum mere ku?" & good times were back again. Once we inside we were joined by Vika & a certain stranger. This guy is a droll I tell you. Never a dull moment when he's around. Every couple of minutes he would yell at the top of his voice one of the following 3....ummmm....what-should-I-call-'ems:
1. "Come on Jockey!" Dont ask me who jockey is.
2. "Come on India! Josh maaa!" Dont ask me why the nation needs to get itself worked up for his workout.
3. "Barli maaa.... josh barli!" The closest I can get to translating that accurately is "let it come... Let the adrenalin flow"

Well all that motivation was a good thing... We promptly folded up & hit the nearest Idly-vade outlet, no bigger than a single room in size but with a huge heart when it came to keeping those streams of sambhar steadily flowing & devoured countless steaming hot idlys with dollops of chetney & sambhar or kozhambu as its called in my house. Which reminds me... I must write a piece on what is the ideal accompaniment to idlys...chutney or kozhambu? And likewise for the more premium..vade or vadeyyy as its called in my house. I have very strong views on the matter. I must also write separately about why I keep saying "as its called in my house". That post will be called iyengar tamizh 101.

Yannyhow, after that spiffing start to the day, with a whistle on my lips I scooted back home expecting a grand welcome....for no reason. But I was greeted by locked gates. Why? Because our hallowed house-maid leaves at 9 & it was now 9.30. Gates are locked at 9 to prevent unwanted people from entering. Everyone except the maid is unwanted in the morning. So i clanked the gate & yelled Amma!......Annnaaaa! & you'd expect the parental love flowing & them running to let their son in, apologizing profusely for making me wait in the sun ouside. Instead there was silence. I was not the maid... I was not wanted. That left me with no other choice. The master mimic in me rose to his zenith... and I mustered the best middle-aged maid voice I could & yelled...... "ANTIIIIIIII!......ANTIIIIII!" its actually "Aunty" but must be pronounced as "Anti" for the correct "maid-in-a-hurry-in-the-morning" effect & it produced instant results. Both my ancestors were at the door before I could say Yepppadi! I had claimed victory. Although all they said when they saw me was "eevan aaaaa?" i was still not the maid you see.

And that was Sat morn!

P.S. Thx Ms Anonymous for those comments on my previous post. Brought the spice back into my life ;)

Weeding out people

2011-01-06T23:40:00.002+05:30

Theres no such thing. You can never label people as 'Good' or 'Bad'. They either fit the situation or they don't. (This doesn't really have any bearing on what is to follow. Just wanted it out of my mind)

An example. I was working on an assignment during my OOD class which was due in a month. Couple of guys approached me to see if they could team up with me for the assignment which was a machine problem, which basically meant that you had to write some code & make stuff work in a specific way. One of them, I'll call him Bob... for no reason. Why would anybody be called Bob for that matter? Ahem... so Bob shows me a piece of code during class & says he's figured out a big chunk of the problem & if I work with him, I could really take it easy. Among the first few lines, I spotted the following:

//Status (none, active, finished - default value is false)
public String status;

I didn't have to read too much more.

Dealing with Change

2010-06-03T08:48:00.003+05:30

There are times when I need it, times when I want it, times when I hate it and then there are others when I just cannot make up my mind. A few days back I found myself dealing with two events at the same time, each of which promises significant change, but in one case I'd planned it and in the other I had to well..let's just say... just deal with it. That's when I thought... hey, why not bug you folks with this?

Now you could plan it out, write it down & measure it or it could be completely unexpected or it could be something in between, but in either case I often look at Change as an event, a noun which occurs at discrete points in time. And almost every time I do, it's never fun. Either I'm extremely upset about it(like when there's no oregano topping with my Pizza) or even if I'd planned it, it's never mind-blowingly awesome, coz well... it was planned!

With these thoughts in mind, as I sat typing & waiting for my favorite breakfast (steaming aloo parathas), I looked over my shoulder to see that the folks at the counter were furiously packing some parathas in silver foil and I was thinking 'how much longer?'. Exactly then, I'm served with my breakfast, just that, it wasn't what i'd ordered. Turns out my parathas are now on their way to Indiranagar & I've been served with a bowl of steaming poha! Lemme describe it.

A western Indian dish made from soaked flattened rice, potatoes & diced onions, lightly spiced with salt n chilly, garnished with coriander, groundnuts and sev and sprinkled with a dash of lemon for that extra zing, it is lighter than air and legend has it that its aroma can melt the hearts of the strongest of Maratha warriors. When I taste it, I feel safe, I feel that all is well with the world and I'm reminded of all things noble and kind and beautiful. I'm no match to it's powers.

I know I started writing about Change. Maybe my next post should be about 'Focus'.

A surprising affirmation!

2010-03-24T09:02:00.003+05:30

In my last post, I wrote about how it's all about the stories we tell ourselves. Found this TED video in which Shekhar Kapur voices similar feelings, albeit in ways far more interesting and striking. Especially loved the bit where he explains the significance of the architecture and why the camera's looking down at the actor in a particular scene. Gave me goosebumps when I realized the effect these things have! WOW!

Another bit I liked was about how he consciously puts himself in a state of panic and chaos to find the few moments of 'truth' (as he calls it) which matter. Besides the obvious feeling of 'do u really have to lose it to be creative?', I realized how many times it's happened to me. Its 01.30 AM, I'm sitting at my computer, trying to finish a paper I must submit in a couple of hours. I finish a couple of sections, revise them, they still look funny somehow. I google around to find ways to say it better. When I look at the time, an hour has passed! Finally, clarity promptly shows up minutes before the deadline, immaculately dressed and with solutions to all my problems, and I say 'Bless you Jeeves, come on in!' Somehow, panic works, everytime!

And after I'm done with the submission, the only moment I remember is the one where clarity dawned on me, when everything seemed to make sense. Praaaabably that was my moment of 'truth'!

Storyteller

2010-02-08T16:18:00.020+05:30

It was New Year's eve and I was on the phone, talking to my friend when she mentioned that she wanted to do something special for her parents that day. Something personal, not just picking something up from a store, which would make them feel good. When I asked her if she had anything specific on her mind, she said wanted to bake a cake, her first one ever! I was a bit taken aback by that idea and recovered by mildly reprimanding her.

"Baking a cake is not child's play! Did she know how tough it was? She would in all probability mess it up since it was her first time. Did she wanna mess up stuff for her parents on New Year's eve?", I asked her.

It was too big a risk I felt. But as usual, she just laughed it off & said it wasn't that big a deal, she felt pretty confident about it and she would do it anyway. I just rolled my eyes, but as soon as I hung up, I had this uncontrollable urge to bake one myself! I dug up a book with the recipe, went out & bought the ingredients and two hours later, voila! The cake was ready! So much for taking a stand against baking it earlier.

This got me thinking about what it was that made me do this. What made me to do it? Why did I have so much fun while doing it? The answer I came up with was that I did it because it made for a great story! When I had hung up the phone, my mind had thought, "What a fun story it would be, if I could tell my friends I baked a cake, all by myself, just like that, for no reason at all!" And that had got me going.

I've always believed that people tend to think of themselves as stories. When you interact with someone, you're playing a role in her story. And whatever you do, or whatever she does, or whatever you want her to do, needs to fit into that story in some satisfying way.

When you want something from someone, ask yourself what story that person is trying to tell about himself, and then make sure that your role and actions are enhancing that story and in the right way ;)

So when I think about it, I realize I have a story about myself too. I want to think about myself as a guy who does stuff thats not expected of him at all. And I love to tell others about it!

The 'not expected of me' shows up in many different ways. For example if I'm paid to do 9 jobs, and the 10th job is not expected of me, I'd rather do the 10th one rather than the first 9. Needless to say, this gets me into a lot of trouble regularly. But doing the 10th job makes me feel that I overdelivered (inspite of the fact that I underdelivered coz I didnt do the 9 I was expected to do), that I exceeded expectations, that I'm different, and that fits into my story.

And I feel this is true not just for me, but for a lot of other people too. But if you think about it, it's quite contradictory to the way our system works. You would normally think that the more you pay someone to do their jobs, the more motivated they would be, but on the other hand it seems like we would rather do something for no money at all & be more motivated about it, if only it fit into our story and enhanced it. Amazing isn't it?

It's all about which story you want to tell!

19/12/09

2010-02-07T12:33:00.020+05:30

Graduation Day!

I'd decided I needn't blog about this day since I would never be able to forget it, but realized a few days back that I was wrong. I'd received the official Commencement pics from the university by mail and while I sat looking at them, I found I had already forgotten many lil moments. So here is what I remember, lest I forget.

We (Kavi & I) woke up early in the morn & whilst Kavi made dosas for BF(correct me Kavi if I'm wrong here), I quickly got dressed & ready. Butterflies & dosas in the stomach is a well.... interesting combination, I realized. I was wearing a blazer for the first time in my life for what was in my head, the biggest day in my life, and when Kavi asked me to wear his new Invicta wrist-watch, it didn't exactly help the combi in the tummy (explained above). This was one of those moments which had convinced me I wouldn't forget this day.

Kavi'd already booked the train tickets and we caught the train to Champaign which took nearly forever to get there. A long train ride invariably throws up at least one interesting & difficult conversation, and this was no exception to the rule. At the end of it though, I was convinced I had spoken longer than required and had been successful in confusing him thoroughly although my intentions were to do just the opposite(speak lesser, listen more & not confuse him). Pardon me my generous host.

When we did eventually reach Champaign, it was snowing and very very COLD! We were also running about 45 minutes behind schedule, so we quickly hired a cab & reached Krannert Hall, a huge, imposing structure & the venue for the ceremony. We were greeted by a huge crowd assembled around a balcony cheering and applauding someone downstairs. When we peeked down, we found a steady stream of students, dressed in rich blue and orange gowns and hats, diplomas in hand, emerging from the auditorium, smiling and waving to the cheers from upstairs. Wow! This was it, and I was here!

I asked around to find out that the College of Arts had just finished its commencement and the College of Engineering would be next. I then got my graduation gown and regalia from the stall and went downstairs. We set about trying to figure out how to wear the gown, hood, tassel and hat properly and Kavi turned out to be quite the ace here. In fact, once I was done, he was helping out other students with their gowns n hoods too! And after he returned to the auditorium, I found my name card on the wall(Phds followed by Masters and then the undergrads) and began the seemingly never-ending wait in the queue for the ceremony to begin. Here I found one of my batchmates, Scott and had a nice lil chat until we were summoned. And then began our procession towards the auditorium This was the moment!

We entered the audi to a standing ovation from the audience with a band playing the welcome note for the procession, and boy did it feel great! Mellow yellow lighting, the applause, Kavi waving from the crowd, the HUUUGE audi and the band on the stage with immaculately polished brass instruments, it seemed like straight out from a James Cameron period classic. Surreal. We settled down and found the commencement brochure which had the name of every student graduating today, and I quickly flipped through it to find my name and re-assured myself of my place here. After the customary speeches, the Head of each Dept welcomed their students on the stage one-by-one and they received their diplomas from the dean as their name and the degree was being announced. There were a thousand thoughts flitting through my mind. "What if I trip & fall on the stage?", "What if my hands are too sweaty when I shake hands with the Dean?", "Do I look at the Dean while receiving my diploma or at the camera?", "Where's Kavi?", "I think I'm feeling a bit hungry, I'm glad we had that burger on the train" etc etc.....

But when my turn did come, I was surprisingly calm (and blank) and didn't even hear how my name was called out(Kavi later said the Reader was struggling with my surname, chuckle!). Once all the students were done, the Dean pronounced us as Graduated and asked us to move the tassel from the right to the left on the hat.

I guess you might say I'd done a good job till now and played my part well, but this is when it just got too much to handle, and I finally broke down with tears streaming down as I moved the tassel and I was sniffing around for some time after that. So much for playing cool till now. Ah well!

After the ceremony, we left the hall in a procession again and were greeted by the same scene I mentioned earlier when I first entered the hall. Only this time, I was in the procession! And now, Kavi decided that it was appropriate to get lost in the crowd (he must've said the same about me), and it took me all of 15 mins to find him again. And then after all the official and unofficial photo sessions, I finally parted ways with the gown n hat and returned, albeit unwillingly, to my normal, routine life. Sigh! But I did get the tassel as a souvenir, so.. Yay!!

And after a sumptuous meal at... err.... Pizza Hut (I'm sure to get beaten up for celebrating this day in Pizza Hut) and some shopping at the campus, we took the bus to Chicago at night.

I know it was an amazing day and I might never experience this kinda joy again, but at the end of it all, if I look back at the past 2 years, I realize that what made it so memorable and why it meant so much to me, they were the days which were probably the most frustrating, when I would be scared, days on which nothing would go right, when the amount and difficulty of the work to be done seemed insurmountable, when people around me told me I wasn't good enough and when I doubted myself, days when I cried, and not with 1000 other people in an auditorium, wearing a hat & gown, but alone in my room. Without them, Commencement would be just another day.

I know the tone in some, if not most of this post might seem exaggerated, and cliche, but then I don't know how else to put it. It doesn't feel right to me if it's not over the top!

Of headache-cows & black neon lighting

2009-12-23T07:54:00.006+05:30

It began with plain LED text scrolling across 2 lil screens.

"LETS TEACH KATIE SOME EXERCISES BECAUSE SHE HAS A HEADACHE"

"KATIE, IMAGINE YOUR HEADACHE IS A COW"

"NOW SHOOT IT IN THE BELLY AND KILL IT AND DISTRIBUTE THE SLICES TO EVERYONE FOR SOME SUPPER"

I thought it was kinda weird, and got interested immediately. And then began the riot of colors, lights, strumming of guitars, the most wonderful percussion instruments, fluorescent paint splashing on drums and of course these guys and their histrionics.

Whether it was the wry humor, the music, the visual effects or the interaction with the audience, I loved every bit of it. The acts I saw today were:

* Paint on drums

* Airwire

* A romantic evening with audience (the lady being sucked right out of the painting was awesome I thought)

* Blue men on a taxi

* Pipes (Grooovy!)

* Paper rivers. I thought this was the best act of 'em all. Infinite reams of white paper glowing in the black lighting and flowing throughout the hall and filling up the stage. Oooooo it was surreal!

Every act was so complete & so finished, and inspite of it being enacted hundreds of times, there was still a freshness to it. Needless to say, I was totally blown away at the end of it all and I wasn't speaking for several minutes. An experience of a lifetime. Thanks for taking me to this show Kavi!

If you are in a city where the Blue Men are performing, don't miss it for anything!

16/12 approaches!

2009-12-13T17:55:00.002+05:30

Koi na jaane Ande ka kya hoga,

Life milegi ya tave pe fry hoga?

The Baby

2009-08-05T17:58:00.006+05:30

"Some mysteries I will never understand.

The way the Earth rotates around the Sun three minutes short of every day.

Or the way the dead are gone by putting down the phone

Or turning a corner.

The future.

That's another whopper.

We can never know what we can never know.

Except that whoever you are and whoever I am,

you made it all right to be me."

-From the movie Driving Lessons

Its a funny thing, growing up is. Sometimes you do it, bit by bit, every day. Sometimes it happens in an instant. And sometimes you stop, for years together.

At times, there are friends and you grow up together, and it's fun! And then there are others, when you are all alone, and you don't have a choice but to do it, and its not exactly a party.

Sometimes its aboout realizing what you are, sometimes what you aren't, and sometimes its not about you at all!

I could go on & on. But I just wanted to say, that the best times growing up are when no matter how bad it looks, there's someone who lets me know its all right to be me.

I guess I'll never stop seeking attention! :)

Thank You

2009-07-14T21:23:00.002+05:30

I want to thank my friends who keep me away from my biggest fear, loneliness & sometimes from myself when I get scared.

I want to thank my parents for being my touchstone and compass in the truest sense of the word.

I want to thank my teachers for teaching me humility even when I wasn't ready to learn.

Faith

2009-05-31T22:26:00.006+05:30

A JUNOS clock on my table
tells stories I want to hear

The Raging Rhinos shirt drying on the cable
I can hear my mates cracking up - loud & clear

Dressed in blue I cheer
as the Men in Blue lift the Cup

Draped in scarlet I gasp, 'O dear!'
as Kumble's men tumble at the cusp.

A billion Indians rise, and so do I
when the anthem plays... Jai hey!

The shoulders seem broader, the head held high
when the world rises for... Jai ho!

The dash of vermilion on the foreheads at the temple
The women in burqas at the masjid

The splash of vibrant pagdis at the Gurudwara
He stands up on his tiny feet & bows his head before the Lord,
he' s but a li'l kid.

Cover her pretty face in a veil she needn't, its because she chooses
Tie his hair in a turban he needn't, it's because he belongs

I'm a Braveheart, I take the road less travelled
I'm a Star, I stand out in the crowd

Who am I kidding...
I take the trodden path, it takes me home
I don't stand out, I long to belong.

It makes me part of an identity
makes me feel good,
gives me strength,
makes me look beautiful,
makes me proud,
makes me belong.

Numerous are the ways of expressing it
Varied are the ways it is perceived

FAITH is a such a wondrous thing
It is but easy to be deceived.

And the winner is... The Swiss Army Knife!

2009-05-25T10:41:00.002+05:30

Every year since I started working, the products that I was working on would get nominated for these awards and it was made out to be a big deal, but we never won. That is until now....

http://www.bestofinterop.com/2009/#infrastructure

And this is even more special since I got to do so much this time around.

It's a fine feeling!

Click!

2009-04-24T01:20:00.014+05:30

So we went on this lil trip to my friend Suyog's grandmas' houses in their village near Udupi last weekend & what a weekend it turned out to be! I thought of many ways of capturing or describing this trip in words & then decided to just put down in words a few pictures in my mind which captured the essence & all the fun we had.

- The history: 1 month before the trip
- Close to 200 emails
- 1 weekend, Suyog will play host
- 15 people on board

- Day 0: Friday
- I rush back from office, pack my bags, gobble dinner & say goodbye to my folks at home
- Its drizzling in Majestic, Ravi's firefighting issues at work on the phone, the rest of us are sipping LMN, waiting for the rest.
- Manju's arrived but none of us realize she's Manju.
- Priya, Jag & Mesh make it just in time.
- Call from work telling me I haven't done a good enough job at work. I wanna kick myself. Will I ever be different?
- Snuggle under the blankets in the Volvo.

- Day 1:
- I wake up to find that we have reached NIT Suratkal.
- We get off at Dekkatte to get into our Red Bull TT which takes us through Neverland to lil Ajji's house
- Viggi is confused - should he stay back with the girls & miss out on all the fun with the guys? Or vice versa? Vik & Jag don't have a choice.
- We get off at Dodda's house. It takes my breath away, I've never seen anything like it. The huge shady courtyard, the wooden trunkfuls of rice, the plethora of vessels of different sizes for measuring rice, the antlers, the sautekaayi's hanging from the ceiling, the sun swept backyard with the well, the cats lazing around nonchalantly, Suyog's tales of his childhood antics, the attic... I can go on & on.
- Krishnan & me try to get to Kavi while he's .... Funny!
- We fret & fumble over the wooden locks/latches on the main door. That was really neat!
- A mountain of heavenly Idlis & Neer dosas vanish within moments as Granny gasps with surprise.
- Its DC all the way to Murudeshwara. Pati Fauj mein... being the highlight.
- The Shiva statue & the chariot of the Sun God are by far the most imposing structures I've seen besides Gomateshwara & South Block. They exude power of the kind I crave for.
- It's burning hot & we are all sweating in bucketfuls. We run to the Kamat hotel nearby where we find an AC room. God bless the inventors of the AC, I experienced relief of this kind only once later on this trip.
- The Someshwara beach(I think) looks really inviting, I wanna go & play ball all evening. We go crazy in the water & then play 3 games of some very competitive volleyball followed by some mindless giggling & running on the beach. Jayaraman is cramped & Raghuram goes "Koi veterinary padha hai kya yahan pe?".

The worst part about playing in the sea is the phase after you get out of it. Sand gets lodged in places it shouldnt & the salt & the dampness make sure its just the right amount of stickiness to get to your nerves.

- I run for a quick bath the minute we touch base. The relief after getting rid of the salt & the sand is what I was talking about earlier in this post. All the mattresses are laid out on the floor & its sooo warm n cozy! We then lay out all the food, finish dinner & then off we go on a late night hike through the village. It's fun to see even Krishnan a bit petrified of the darkness & the wilderness. Suyog cooks up this wonderful Koggiraja story & the Human-shaped tree. Ooooo I just love it! Just the feeling of being up with friends all night & sharing stories, experiences. esp scary ones is so much fun! Krishnan & I try to watch at leat 5 movies one after the another but we just cant seem to get though even one for more than 10 minutes, so we decide to go to sleep in the wee hours of the morning. He's changed a bit now, in a good way. Life's funny that way, eventually gets to you.

-Day 2:

- I wake up to find some awake, most still fast asleep & Mesh prancing around feeling very proud of something only she knows. I've seen her getting into this mood a few times before, so I know that asking her would be spoiling it, so I just let her be, watch her & smile to myself. She seems almost oblivious of us, like in a trance or something. Something tells me its gonna stay this way all day.

- After lazing around on the bed, many glasses of tea, a lot of chatting & many photos, we head for breakfast to the other house. Ive never believed in ice-breakers. I mean how can just a line, a remark or a question break the ice bet'n 2 strangers? It takes time & effort for that to happen. But I'm proved wrong here. Just the one remark from Vikesh made Pi a part of the group in a way that nothing else could have. I'm very grateful... for all this.. everything. Touchwood.

- After Udupi, we head out to St Mary's island. Pleasant, serene, peaceful.

- On the way back home in the bus. I wanna chat all night again but this time sleep gets the better of me & I just can't keep my eyes open after some time. Mesh goes "Esh..... Esh.... Utho Esh" but in vain.

Thanks Suyog! I don't think Im gonna forget this for a while.

What if...

2008-09-20T09:47:00.002+05:30

... the TV was never invented?

I started thinking on these lines when I was reading this book titled 'Cosmos'. It's a wonderful book about the history of astronomy, & it's packed with these fantastic lil stories & anecdotes about how someone discovered something in the sky one day & things like that. It seemed so exciting, & I started wondering about how many times I have looked at the sky. I wondered why I never got any of these simple questions about the sky, stars & planets.

This thought stuck in my mind & then over a period of about a couple of weeks morphed into 'why don't I ever find out the answers to the questions in my mind?'. If I think about it, almost all the stuff I know today, I've learnt because either someone taught me that, or told me about it or I just happened to come across it while reading a book, or watching TV or during a conversation - basically I was never looking to find out the answer to a question; either I had to, or just happened to find out.

And then over the next couple of weeks, that thought morphed again into 'would I do that if there was no TV?'. Sounded a bit silly to me, but the fact remains that I do watch a LOT of TV. I mean I wouldn't even be writing this right now. I would've been watching it.

So here's a lil experiment. Every time I'm about to go watch TV, I'll ask myself 'what if there was no such thing as TV?' & then lets see what happens. I'll probably write about the outcome after a month or so.

Chatter

2008-08-07T23:17:00.007+05:30

You know it's been a while since I chatted away with someone for hours together. So let me do it now!

So I've been here in California since the past 3 weeks or so, & it's been a bit different this time around. First of all I came here with so much of stuff to do I felt my brain was gonna explode. Travel, explore, trek, drive, stay up all night, gorge on Pizza, cheesecake, ice-cream, subs, chips & soda & watch movies, shop, meet up with people, O & yes some exams & work too. Needless to say there's been very li'l time for anything else(donno what that is though).

But at the end of it all I guess I managed to get it all covered, well almost. I messed up one exam, got blocked at work a li'l bit, didn't really explore, but nothing serious that the Pizzas couldn't make up for!

And then, this time it wasn't new, it didn't feel like I was 'away', just felt like I was coming back to something.

Another difference was that this time I bumped into so many people I knew! I mean I just loved it. At some store, restaurant or at the movies, you know you just run into 'em. I don't think I've bumped into so many people even back home! O well, I guess I stay really far away from the city.

Met my sis, the one I'd met 2 years back the day she landed here, & boy has her life changed. Met this other friend, an ex-colleague whose life's changed in a pretty dramatic way too, but he so hasn't & in each of the above cases, it's good to see 'em both where they are now.

And obviously, when you meet people, & you find out all that they've been through, you tend to think about yourself & try to recall what the hell you've been up to during the same time. So I got down to it too and it wasn't too bad after all. Also read this stupid book, which I loved btw, but what was annoying was that I didn't wanna like it! Something somewhere touched a chord or a nerve or something.

And today, you know how it feels? I don't feel I've done or seen or been or known anything great, but it's been good, good enough really, & I can keep the smile on, a little longer.

It's like what Gump said,

"Bubba: Have you ever been on a real shrimp boat?
Forrest Gump: No, but I've been on a real big boat. "

And I guess that's all I have to say about that ;)

Thanks for listening. So how've you been?

How's it out there?

2008-07-11T09:24:00.001+05:30

A novel concept I came across recently was an internet forum where you could talk about, rate, rant, rave & review your workplace. Criticat & Glassdoor are trying to reveal the truth behind companies where anyone can talk about their experience with a certain company.

I've come across user-review sites for electronic gadgets, cars, bikes, books, so why not your workplace?

What is questionable though is the accuracy of the information on these sites. But then, as with any other site which is dependent on its users for content, the quality & the utility of the information on these sites will improve as the user base grows over time.

Full marks for the idea though.

Blogging on the move

2008-06-20T10:38:00.001+05:30

I tried this new Firefox 3 add-on called ScribeFire, which is a blog editor that integrates completely with my Firefox browser. I just need hit F8, type out my blog & hit 'Publish', & that's it! The editor has all the options for adding pictures, videos, links, the works.

O and hey, it's exactly 3 years since I started working! Hi-5s to Girish & Vikesh who did the same, 3 years back.

Cheers to everyone!

Dial F for Food

2008-04-08T10:48:00.002+05:30

As I lay on my bed with a cheerful book in my hand on Ugadi, with a cool gentle wind lapping at my feet, the proverbial mind wandered & I found myself in my Granny's house during my class 6 summer vacations.

It was an average middle class south Indian household. We did not normally have breakfast and managed with two cups of coffee. This was because lunch was eaten very early, around 10 am, and it was a substantial meal. Rice and sambar, rice and rasam, rice and curds, vegetables, appalam, sandigay, mor mozhaga and pickles.

On the days when it was a holiday and the folks remained at home, there was a second lunch around 1 pm which consisted of rice, curds and pickles. We joined the elders for tiffin served at 3 pm and had the appetite to wolf down dosas, idlis, adais, vadas and similar delicacies. Dinner was again rice-based and similar to lunch. In between, there were snacks to be had.

My granny used to say that I was a growing boy, used to fret a lot, and therefore the snacks had a special significance. These were mostly crisp murukkus, thengol, thattai, manoharam and so on. You could conveniently pop them into your shorts' pockets and run out to play, distributing them to your friends or exchanging them with the goodies that they had brought from their homes.

This procedure of constant eating was called poha vara which, roughly translated, meant 'going and coming' - we were eating all the time, whether going or coming.

Despite eating so much all day, I never fell ill, lost my appetite or put on weight(even if I did, I'm sure I didn't notice).

This was also the time when my obsessive addiction to all kinds of pickles began. My granny had.... I donno how many varieties of pickles all stacked up in pingani (porcelain) jars on top of the kitchen closet. But I was allowed to taste just 1 variety of pickle with each meal, & that too only with curds. So after she had served me the curds, she would ask me to select which pickle I wanted & would then serve me exactly one spoon of that variety. And those decisions... to decide which pickle to select, were probably the toughest decisions I had made during my entire childhood life.

I can never understand how pickle could be anything but just GREAT for anybody's health.

More on food... next time.

Raj Pari

2008-01-26T23:48:00.000+05:30

वो है इक अनोखी, परी जो है उतरी
अपने ही हाथों से, जादू है करती
उसके ख़यालों में, इक प्यारी सी दुनिया
जहाँ चमकीले रंगों में, सौंधी सी खुशबू हो कोई

मछलियों से है वो बातें करती
मीठी झपकियों में सपनों में टहलती
और उन सपनों में मिलती फरिश्तों से कोई

प्यार की थपकियों से मुझसे बतियाती
भीड़ों में खामोशी है दिखलाती
मेरे सन्नाटों में
खुशियों की जैसे हो झड़ी

ये तो धुन है सरगम की
है ये सरगम बूंदों की
ये तो बूँदें है खुशियों की

भिगो दें अगर...
तेरी किस्मत हो बड़ी

Best viewed in IE 6 & above. Hindi rendering in Firefox may be incorrect.

Wiki

2008-01-24T22:42:00.000+05:30

Well I guess I have done all that I can do, said all that I can say, and given as much as I could give. I've played my part as best as I could with the very little bit I knew then & now.

But the meeting halfway never happened.

I guess some people just lack taste.

So I sit down to decide

2008-01-22T13:42:00.000+05:30

I'm faced with a decision: I could manage my time better by applying any number of techniques I've used in the past, though frankly I don't really want to do it. I'm tired. Or I could shut out the world and pour all my attention into the tasks that I want to get done.

The advantage of managing my time is that it's more sustainable---if I accept that what I get done every day is going to be incremental and feel very small. I personally have little patience for incremental change, which is why I probably suck at it. The one exception to this is when I am actually observing incremental change in PEOPLE...that fascinates me, because each small change in a person's behavior can indicate something much larger. I guess I am naturally curious about what makes people tick, not the number of ticks I can count.
The advantage of shutting out the world is that it is a more exciting commitment to action; kind of an adventure, really. I like getting ready for adventures, strategically planning my moves, getting everything ready for the big push. The problem is that it is an expensive contextual switch, on the order of planning a vacation without the relaxation, and it always burns me out at the end. This may, however, be the natural way I work by myself. It is a recurring pattern.

My gut reaction is that I should avoid going into hermit mode, but instead triage what I am focusing on.

Whoosh!

2007-10-29T11:48:00.000+05:30

An absolutely fantastic day Karting @ Race Pace!

She's here!

2007-10-28T20:25:00.000+05:30

Her name is Anandya Anushree Sampath & she's my niece, the first one too!

My school in Pune

2007-10-24T11:32:00.001+05:30

Found a picture of my school in Pune. So many memories. :(

Party time

2007-10-22T10:00:00.000+05:30

A party 'twas.

<--- In his honor.

The Deathly Hallows

2007-07-23T11:21:00.000+05:30

July 2000. A pile of new books in the school library. I picked up a fat one from the pile with an interesting title - The Goblet of Fire. It left me gasping for breath & words when I finished it a few days later.

July 2007. Whoa. 7 years hence, and I feel exactly the same way I did then.

It's been 10 years since she wrote the first book, and she did not let me down. A BIG thanks to you Jo!

Extremely fast paced, packed, dark, desperate, heroic, old-fashioned, it was everything I asked for & more from the last book. Like many of us around the world I grew up with Harry Potter, & even though I feel exactly how I did 7 years back, after reading the last book, it's amusing to see that the things that touched me, that affected me, moved me, that I completely identified with while reading this book are so different from the ones back then.

The doubting hero, loyalties being tested, fears faced, the battle of battles, secrets revealed, grief, love & hope. It had it all. And it was absolutely DELICIOUS.

It was an old tale, an old plot, the characters-old archetypes. But I guess it's the kind of story I would always want to hear, again & again. And she told it well.

A few lines that "pricked"

"Severus?
Snape's lips twisted in a smile when she said his name"

"Seeing them together that way made him feel lonely"

God bless you Jo.

The Opportunist

2007-06-22T14:50:00.000+05:30

They say 'Anybody can achieve anything'. I don't really believe in that. I believe that everybody can achieve something. Something that means more to them than anybody else, & that 'something' always gives you a shot at it.

But there is a caveat that must be made. Winners walk through the door of opportunity when it swings open. But what is the secret to getting through the door?

Being outside the door when it swings open.

I've read that Frank Sinatra got his big break while working as a waiter. One day, as he was waiting tables, he spotted one of the biggest names in the music industry. And what did Sinatra do? He cleared off a table next to the gentleman and got up on it and sang! He knew he was done at the restaurant for doing so, but how many times would he get this chance? Needless to say, the rest is history.

We never know when we are gonna get that break, the shot at that one thing that will define us. I don't even know what I'm looking for! But for all of those who become successful, there is one key similarity: They were ready. And for every one of those who were ready, there were thousands more who weren’t.

Am I ready?

Do I have enough ammo so that when my shot comes I can perform?

Am I working hard to position myself in the best possible ways near that door now?

It will happen someday. It opens for everyone. It may only open once or it may open many times. It is different for everyone and life just isn’t fair that way. But everybody gets a shot. Will I be ready?

Enough of this, I hear hinges creaking ;)

The King's here!

2007-06-02T10:09:00.001+05:30

My pal

2007-05-15T17:56:00.000+05:30

It is cold today.
Thoughts
meaningless to anyone but myself.
I am alone.

Loneliness, not a burden nor a sorrow,
but a time of solace, of deepness
never to be shared, never to be understood.
True happiness is here, unmisted.
Unmisted by smiles or laughter,
unmisted by the joys of company.

To find true happiness,
to know if one is truly happy,
he must be happy alone.

I hope I can be.

iGraffiti!

2007-04-12T12:59:00.001+05:30

ShiftSpace

Have your way with any webpage
ShiftSpace is an opensource browser plugin being developed by NYU’s Interactive Telecommunication Program and is pretty close to internet graffiti. The plugin allows their users to annotate and remix a website saving it as a communally editable alternate version revealed in your browser by pressing Shift + Space. ShiftSpace allows users to leave notes, highlight text, change images, and edit the page source. It kind of reminds me of the web page analysis plugin Firebug, which allows you to carry out live edits of any web page. For web surfers with the plugin, modified pages are marked with a small ShiftSpace icon (§) in the bottom left side of the screen.

Modified pages are called “shifts”, and if made public, are shared on the ShiftSpace website. Users can subscribe to the shifts of users they like via RSS. The ShiftSpace team also plans to implement “trails”, which are hyperlinked collections of related shifts.

Pretty cool, what!

How does it feel?

2007-03-16T14:58:00.000+05:30

Euthanasia. Who can ever decide what's right, and more importantly, what's not.

She rolled me in front of the computer, hooked me up to the IV, and our eyes met. The question was there, in her eyes. I needed to hear it, even if it was illegal for her to ask.

She turned away. The question went unspoken.

So did the answer.

She left, and I was alone with the machine that would determine if today was my day to die.

No, that's harsh. I had, after all, been fighting three years for this. Three long years of hospitals, chemotherapy, nausea, lost weight, drugs, familial pity... Nothing helped, and the pain kept coming. I was tired of it all.

Yes! Tired! So the nurse couldn't ask a feeble little question. The computer would make up for it. It had questions. Questions that mattered!

I punched in the answers.

Now, one more button. Press that, and the computer churns away. If it finds my suffering fits the Law, it starts the IV dripping. Quick. Painless. I'd be dead. I'd be free.

Still, that question. I just figured someone would ask. If not the doctor, then the nurse. If not the nurse, then the computer. If not the computer, then... someone.

I held my finger over the button.

Death seemed so cold.

"Are you sure?" That's all I wanted to hear. I wouldn't lie. I'd reply honestly.

No, I wasn't sure.

But the pain! I couldn't stand it any longer!

Could I?

I held my finger over the button.

Death seemed so cold. Life so warm...

Aah

2007-03-10T23:26:00.000+05:30

Dono or prem palta hai
priya, patang to jalta hi hai
deepak bhi jalta hai

Safar

2007-02-09T17:16:00.000+05:30

Yaad hai
tum aur main
lambi, ghumaavdar sadak par
bina kuch bole
bematlab, beparvah
meelon chala karte the
khambon ko gina karte the
aur jab main chalte chalte thak jaata
tum kehti
bas us agle khambe tak aur

aaj main akela hi us sadak par nikal aaya hoon
aaj bhi us agle khambe tak pahunchna chahta hoon
sochta hoon
tumhe jaldi chalne ki aadat thi
shayad tum vahan pahunchkar
mera intezaar kar rahi ho

IKEA these are comfortable!

2007-02-03T10:56:00.000+05:30

Something else

2007-01-30T10:11:00.000+05:30

I recently came across this new feature in Google Earth called the Sunrise Layer. A very simple feature, it eventually boils down to a collection of video clips hosted by Discovery Channel. These video clips capture the sights and sounds (and boy what sights and sounds!) of sunrise at various exotic places around the Earth. The places include the most mystical ones like the Mayan pyramids, Angkor temples and the Stonehenge.

I watched some of these clips and well, it was something else! Just watching these places in a video and listening to the pure sounds of nature fills you with a sense of peace which is very difficult to describe. To illustrate, there was one scene with a monk meditating in front of a lighted candle, and I got goosebumps all over my body when I saw this! Pretty cool stuff.

Disruptive innovation

2007-01-29T10:46:00.000+05:30

Innovation doesn't always mean coming up with a way to do something in the fastest, cheapest and most efficient manner possible. I believe that it's just about exceeding expectations. Ideas that click, that make money, that people love are invariably the ones which just did 1 simple thing when they were conceived, exceeded expectations. Of a lot of people ;)

But what happens when an innovation exceeds expectations by way too much? What happens if it grows and improves too fast? What if it overshoots the needs of it's users? Simple, they dump it for something that is "good enough". Period.

I've found this works for people too!

Kabhi yun bhi to ho

2007-01-24T14:14:00.000+05:30

Dariya ka saahil ho, poore chaand ki raat ho
aur tum aao
kabhi yoon bhi to ho

Pariyon ki mehfil ho, koi tumhari baat ho
aur tum aao
kabhi yoon bhi to ho

Sooni har mehfil ho, koi na mere saath ho
aur tum aao
kabhi yoon bhi to ho

Ye baadal aise toot ke barse, mere dil ki tarah, milne ko tumhara dil bhi tarse
tum niklo ghar se, kabhi yoon bhi to ho

Tanhaai ho, dil do
boonde hon barsaat ho aur tum aao.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Mera khuda

Woh kaath ke purze uda raha tha
hawavon ka roop dikha raha tha

kuch aur bhi ho gaya numaayan
main apna likha mita raha tha

usi ka eemaan badal gaya hai
kabhi jo mera khuda raha tha

wo ek din ek ajnabi ko
meri kahani suna raha tha

wo umr kam kar raha tha meri
main saal apne badha raha tha

She's a teaser!

2007-01-03T13:57:00.000+05:30

Love keeps the cold out better than a cloak.

A truism! :)

Hold my hand

2006-12-27T10:12:00.000+05:30

It's not like I demand a lot from life. I ask but little here. I ask for a quiet spot where I can read the day's newspaper in peace, but I can't find one. The place is congested. I ask for a spot where I can sit without talking, but I can't find it either. I then ask for a spot where I can talk only to myself, a place where I can let myself be, a space where I can Think.

I ask to find this place for myself. I find that people are pushing me to this place. But I don't want to go there this way, I don't want to be pushed here. It's a place I seek, let me find it.

Starry encounter

2006-08-28T11:18:00.000+05:30

It was a Sunday and I was getting bored at home. So I decided to go shopping to a mall nearby called The Great Mall near Milpitas, about 15 minutes drive from my apartment. The weather was great and I was looking forward to doing a lot of shopping and fun. But something completely unexpected was in store for me.

I started off with the Sports Authority outlet and had good fun at the baseball and the golf section and then moved on towards other shops that I can't disclose right now for reasons that I can't disclose either! ;) Anyway, so I was passing in front of the McDonald's stall and I caught sight of someone familiar. I stopped dead in my tracks and looked and just couldn't believe my eyes. It was none other than Kareena Kapoor! She was near the Country's Best Yoghurt outlet with some lady. I tried to figure out who it was and it was her mother Babita! It was so exciting! I so wished I had got my camera with me. Anyway, lemme at least get their autographs and talk to them, I thought and started walking towards them. And guess who turns up with food at their table, Shahid Kapur!!! I was like , WOW!!! He asked Kareena, "Bebo you need anything else?" and she said no. I continued walking towards them. When I got closer, I said, "Hi! I can't believe I am meeting all of you in person today". Kareena smiled and said, "Thanks, we are here to do some shopping. But I'm sorry we won't be able to oblige you with autographs or pictures. Hope you understand". That was heartbreaking but I just thanked them and walked away.

But it was still pretty cool to see them all in person. Made my day!

Fortune for the day

2006-08-09T04:59:00.000+05:30

I ate 3 fortune cookies today. Each one of them said "Temptation is fun, giving in is better". Is that a sign? ;)

A barber shop story: A true one

2006-05-08T14:40:00.000+05:30

I was about 6 years old then. And it was no different than any of my earlier 'haircut days'. My father woke me up early and signalled using his two fingers by making them move around like a scissor that I needed to get my hair cut today. I washed up, held on to his finger and walked up to Shravan's barber shop near my apartment. Shravan slept in a little room behind the shop. My father knocked on the door a couple of times which woke him up and he smiledwhen he saw us.
I liked the shop. I had never gone to another one.
Black and white photographs of men with various out-of-fashion hairstyles hang above a picture rail at the end of the room, where two barber's chairs are bolted to the floor. Shravan places a wooden board covered with a piece of cloth across the arms of the chair, so that he doesn't have to stoop to cut the boy's hair. I scramble up onto the bench.
"The rate at which you're growing, you won't need this soon, you'll be sitting in the chair," the barber says.
"Wow," I say, squirming round to look at my dad, forgetting that I can see him through the mirror. "Anna, Shravan said I could be sitting in the chair soon, not just on the board!"
"Hmm" my father replies, not looking up from the paper. "I expect Shravan will start charging me more for your hair then."
"At least double the price," said Shravan, winking at me.
Finally my father looks up from his newspaper and glances into the mirror, seeing his son looking back at him. He smiles.
"Wasn't so long ago when I had to lift you onto that board because you couldn't climb up there yourself," he says.
"They don't stay young for long do they, kids," Shravan says. My dad nods in agreement.
Shravan starts running his scissors all over my hair and in no time he's done. I jump off the board to find the floor strewn with the black locks from my head. I wanted to gather them but my father pulled me away.
"Breakfast must be ready, amma must be waiting", he said. I was already hungry and got excited thinking of breakfast and grabbed hold of my dad's hand. His hands closed around mine and I was surprised to find, warming in my father's palm, a lock of my own hair.

I remembered this incident and told my mother about it and she cried. She said my father had told her about this incident that day. He had realized I wouldn't remain the little boy for long, who would grab hold of his hand and go out with him. I realized the reason behind the lock of hair in his hand.

Just wanted to say I'll always be his little boy.

Astrology: Do I look like an idiot?

2006-05-04T14:43:00.000+05:30

The other day I was shopping for a new pair of sneakers for my father; the old sneakers had worn out to the point where they were little more than a glorified pair of socks. I was with my father in a shoe store chatting about how the price of shoes had seemed to have gone up. The salesperson asked us how we were doing and we gave her the shoes we wanted to try on. She came back and everything was fine and dandy.

The store wasn't crowded and she began to talk with us, and I started chatting too.We began talking about something, I don't really remember what the topic was. Anyway, in the middle of this conversation about something not too important, she asked what my sign was. I stuttered my sign not being something that I keep at the forefront of my mind. I looked like a Leo she said. No, um, no in fact I'm a Virgo, I said. That's funny, she said, you don't have any of the characteristics of Virgo. Then she walked behind the counter and fiddled with the register; I stood there puzzled.

I'm baffled by the insistence with which some people let the position of the stars, the planets, the sun, the moon, and the rest of outer space define who they are. Is it that they are so unable to create their own destinies that they need to rely on someone's interpretation on the position of Jupiter or Pluto to figure out what their month's going to be like? Now really, really think about it. Does that make sense? Really?

We've all looked at our horoscopes once or twice. Sometimes it's good fun, but how many times has it actually been right, or specific enough to actually be wrong? Let's take a look at my horoscope in the newspaper some days back. "Sometimes money spent on things of lasting value makes more sense than indulging in ephemeral treats. Buy a very good painting of a rose that lasts forever rather than a rose that fades overnight." Did my horoscope just tell me to invest wisely? Didn't Bertie Wooster already do that? Isn't a horoscope supposed to tell the future? If so, I'm failing to see the prediction here.

Part of the problem with astrology is that's it's so vague and filled with double-speak that a sentence could almost mean anything. If that's the case then hell, I could be an astrologer. In fact here's a forecast for everyone:

May: Things may or may not happen. If so, some will be good, some will not. You may or may not meet people. If so, some of them will like you, some will not.

Astrology throws free will out the window. In basing what happens in the future on where the planets are going, it insinuates that the future is this set thing that we have no control over. It doesn't matter what we do, whatever's going to happen is going to happen and none of it's our fault. Lost your job? We can blame that on Mercury, surely it had nothing to do with the fact that you sent a photocopy of your head to the CEO.

Man, it's a good thing personal responsibility has been replaced by outer space. I figure this way I can blame the pile up of my office work not on my own procrastination, but on Pluto. I sprained my back a few weeks ago. Of course it's not my own clumsiness to blame, it's Jupiter, an awfully big planet for an awful lot of incoordination. Let me tell you, this is all quite a load off my back. ;)

Wonderla

2006-04-22T11:48:00.000+05:30

Visited wonderla for the second time and it was as much fun as it was the first time around!

Hacking the kernel

2006-04-12T14:43:00.000+05:30

Getting into linux kernel development full time. Couldn't ask for more. It's the best! And I'm having the time of my life. Hacking the source, compiling and re-compiling the kernel, setting compile time options, building kernel modules, and of course kgdb and ksymoops, i'm doing it all! Lot of studying to do though. Have to read up lots of stuff regarding interrupts, bottom halves, scheduling, networking support in the kernel and lots of other stuff but it's all good.

April fool's day pictures!

2006-04-03T11:59:00.000+05:30

Funny funny bit

2006-04-03T11:03:00.000+05:30

There was this man. Girl refused him. Man went abroad. Two months later girl wired him, "Come back Marvin". Man started to write out a reply; suddenly found that he couldn't remember the girl's surname; so never answered at all and lived happily ever after.

- Courtesy BW

Fun with friends

2006-04-03T10:59:00.000+05:30

Here's what ensued on Saturday, April 1st. I left my house at about 8.30 am in a Sumo Victa and went to Paddy's house(couldn't have breakfast there as I had just had it at home and was full), invited her and then we went to Swetha's house where Swetha joined us(we were also treated to some spiffing lonavla chikki!), then to Ash's house where he jumped in(and we had refreshing chilled fruit juice!), then to Latha's house(yummy mixture!)and then to Peg's house where we met Sam also so I invited both Peg and Sam there and were pleasantly surprised that Peg would be joining us too because she was down with viral fever a few days back(here we were treated to some chilled re-invigorating lime juice(Padma may disagree as she seemed a lil biffed after drinking it)).

So after taking Sam and Peg along, we proceeded to Ally's house where he was eagerly waiting for us. This was the scene where Sam was able to successfully pull off a splendid April fool prank on Swetha(details can be provided by the prankster and the prankstee(?? :-) )). A couple of incidents of chumps falling off bean bags, thrilling rocking chair rides followed by an absolutely bucking buttermilk and fruit salad served up by Ally's mom set us up for lunch. So after picking up dear old Ally we proceeded to Nandhini(Sam was pretty worked up to go here) for lunch where we met up with guess who, Karan! And things got chummier! After a filling lunch, we visited Karan's house where Sam and Ally serenaded each other with objectionable magazines in a room and "mood setting" music, Ally drank objectionable drinks and some others "questionable" Pepsi.

That was the last stop. We then started on our way back home and after dropping everyone, I reached home and gifted my dad with a Motorola L6 aka Moto SLVR!!

Pretty splendid day!

Master of humour

2006-03-23T12:26:00.000+05:30

I started reading PG Wodehouse again and I find these books as hilarious as I used to when I was in school! The typical British backdrops, the descriptions of the wonderful English countryside, the super-cool English exclamations(By Jove!!) and of course Bertie and Jeeves. They are all back in my life and I'm delighted!

One among the many things I love about these (and other writings of humour by some good English authors) is their refusal to take any character or any situation seriously. I mean, if some of the things in these stories had happened to me or to people around me, they would have been shattered! But you end up in guffaws when you are reading these situations in these books!

Like, there is one particular story where a poor unemployed painter guy wants to marry his girlfriend but he knows his rich uncle(who gives him a quarterly allowance) will never agree. Now this uncle of his has ornithology(study of birds, bird-watching) as a passion and has written books on it. So the painter guy's girlfriend writes another book on birds and praises his uncle's books to no end all over in her book. The uncle is extremely impressed and invites the girl home. And guess what, uncle gets married to the girl!! And he asks the painter guy to paint a portrait of his baby son with the painter's ex-girlfriend!!

Just love these books!

Wanna a new hairdo?

2006-03-22T10:05:00.000+05:30

Check out Hairdos.com. You can search their photo archive by gender, hair color, hair length, and degree of waviness. They also offer a nice section on makeovers, giving you looks at both "before" and "after."

Along the same lines, you'll find that All Things Hair considers the above criteria as well as the shape of your face. The site also provides photos of well-known celebrities to accompany their style suggestions.

Happy hairstyling!!

Phone call

2006-03-17T16:06:00.000+05:30

5:37 pm

“Hello?”

“Mr. Sanjeev?”

“Yes?”

“How are you this evening?”

“Uh – look, I just sat down to dinner.”

“When’s a more convenient time?”

“How about never?”

click

6:30 pm

“Hello?”

“Mr. Sanjeev?”

“Yeah?”

“How was dinner?”

“What? Oh. Hey, let’s be honest here. I can’t stand you people, always interrupting meals, T.V., time with my family. Whatever you’re selling, I’m not interested.”

“I apologize, but - ”

click

7:15 pm

ring…

click

7:45 pm

“Hello?”

“Mr. Sanjeev?”

“I thought I told you – ”

“Did you listen to the message I left?”

“You mean when you called, what, twenty, thirty minutes ago?”

“Yes.”

“You’re so annoyingly persistent!"

“Did you listen to the message?”

“No!”

click

9:45 pm

“Hello?”

“Mr. Sanjeev?”

“Ssshhhit…”

“If I could just take a few minutes of your time.”

“No. N. O. No. No, no, no!”

click

11:30 pm

“What?”

“Mr. Sanjeev?”

“O God!”

click

11:33 pm

11:36 pm

11:39 pm

11:45 pm

11:48 pm

“Listen, you idiot, I’m calling the police. I’m giving them all the numbers you’ve called from. Then I'm going to sue you, your company and your family. You got that?”

“Got it, but Mr. Sanjeev, just let me say three words.”

“You’re digging a deeper hole, buddy.”

“Kraakan Sum Tweetz.”

“Excuse me?”

“Kraakan Sum Tweetz.”

“Uh…”

“Do you understand?”

“…”

“Mr. Sanjeev?”

“…”

“Hello?”

“Shit.”

“Do you understand?”

“Yeah.”

“What?”

“Yes. Yes, I understand. Sir.”

“Be ready in ten minutes.”

“Ten minutes?”

“You should’ve listened to me earlier. Kiss your wife goodbye, then prepare for transport. Our time has come.”

“Sir?”

“Nine minutes. Midnight.”

“Yes, sir.”

click

11:52 pm

“Honey? Who was that?”

“Nobody, dear. Just another marketing guy. Go back to sleep.”

“…”

“…”

“You haven’t kissed me like that in a long time.”

“I love you. Now go back to sleep.”

A normal man

2006-03-15T14:32:00.000+05:30

He didn't consider himself superstitious, just cautious. So he avoided stepping on every 3rd tile on the floor and the cracks on the footpath.

Still, there were peculiarities in his behavior some considered superstitious. Or just plain crazy.

Like his refusal to utter the word "marvellous" in public. There was no apparent reason for this phobia, except that he feared something horrible would happen to him if he ever spoke the word. Now most of us could go through life without ever even experiencing the urge to say the word aloud, but not him. Whenever he talked with friends or family, the word "marvellous" occupied the forefront of his mind, and no matter how much he tried not to think of the word, it was like trying to ignore a rhino sitting on his living room sofa watching TV. It became such a problem for him that he would often blurt out "marlovimpernel" or "maverick murgunjel" for no apparent reason. Friends thought him eccentric. They rather enjoyed his playfulness.

But this wasn't his only quirk. He also felt an irrational need to skip whenever the song "Happy birthday to you" was sung. This created a serious problem for him at birthday parties.

Otherwise, he led a nearly normal life, considering he always kept 3 handkerchiefs with him and he clicked the heels of his shoes against each other 9 times each time he wore them.

Despite his quirks, he managed. He had a good many friends. After all, while most of us strive for normalcy, the people we most fondly remember are the eccentrics. And he was certainly memorable. He entered his car only through the back seat.

People made allowances for him because, like a young child, he was fun to be with. It was a miracle to many people, but he even managed to score well in his exams and made the next grade. At college, no one cared what he wore or how he entered his car, as long as he put his obsessive compulsiveness to good use and performed well in his exams.

But he grew uncomfortable with his own behavior. Although he had friends, he had no intimates. She lived with her mother across the street from him and was his closest confidant. "I admit I take a certain pleasure in people paying attention to me," he confessed to her. "Especially when I wear my red hat and sing tunes in the line at Food World.

"Which, of course, I must do to keep the computer and billing machine from catching fire."

"No, you don't," she said bluntly. "If you stop pedaling, the world will continue spinning on its axis, I assure you. Like the rest of us, you don't have much control over your environment. Stop pretending as if you do."

This shocked him, for no one had ever spoken to him quite like that before. He vowed to at least reduce his quirks. For her at least.

The next day, he chose not to count the tiles while walking, although he did step on all the cracks in the pavement, and, of course, kept 3 handkerchiefs. The earth did not quake. At the office, when he heard his colleagues singing "Happy birthday to you" for a coworker, he fought the urge to skip. His heart pounded and he grabbed the tops of his legs in a valiant effort to keep them still. He knew that she would remind him that logically there was nothing to fear from the song. Breathing like a woman in labor, he suppressed the need to skip. He even entered his car from the front seat like any other man. And nothing bad happened. The earth didn't crash. Nor did he lose his pants.

He reached home, went straight to his room. He felt so happy and free! "Marvellous!" he shouted with a huge grin on his face.

It was the last word that ever came out of his mouth.

The last time a clock ticked in this world.

Software engineering

2006-03-14T10:23:00.000+05:30

This is something I wanted to talk about and discuss since quite some time.

Software engineering is one of the engineering disciplines and qualifies to be one because like any other engineering discipline, it applies knowledge to solve practical problems. Having said that, software engg. is also very unique from other engg. disciplines.

While every other discipline be it electrical engg, mechanical engg, civil engg, architectural engg or aerospace deals with the creation(design and construction) of something very tangible, software engg. involves creating software, which can be perceived only by the mind.

It is this inherent quality of software that makes it extremely appealing to me. (I can be dramatic here and draw analogies between software and the wind, fire, energy but will refrain from doing so ;-) ). Software has no intrinsic physical structure, no rules are imposed on it by nature and it has an ethereal existence. Whatever structure it is perceived to have, we impose it.

And this is why, I feel, it is very important for a software engineer to have a basic philosophy, a fundamental paradigm, which dictates how he/she looks at software. What does a function, a variable, an API mean in the larger sense? What is it's name? What are its characteristics, features and qualities? How does it behave? What does it do and not do? How to use it, when to use it and who should use it? When these questions are answered, software comes to life. It ceases to be ethereal and comes into verifiable existence, but only to those who know the answer to the above questions.

I can give an interesting example of a colleague whose paradigm of looking at software is to treat it like a fellow human being. And it's a good one because all the above questions are very valid questions that can be asked about any human being. This colleague of mine talks about functions or variables like they are people! He uses terms like kind, strict, suspicious, funny, smart, fair, partial and many more to describe these things! (You could of course call it bad sense of humour also ;-)) He really thinks of them as we would think of real people we know. And the best part is that a lot of times, he's able to figure out how the system will behave(or should behave) in a certain peculiar situation without even looking at the code because he knows it like he knows his friend!

A strong perspective like that really helps in understanding and designing software intuitively. And it also makes things easier when you are trying to fix 10x bugs in x days!

Anyway, my point is that a software engineer must be able to look at software as some tangible entity, something real, concrete and must feel the life in it. To make the ethereal work with, for and like the real. That's the challenge.

This is the domain of analogy. Decide between what.

Starting off....

2006-03-13T15:59:00.000+05:30

I have an ambition.
It is not to mount on Silver wings and soar away
Scorning the joys and griefs of every day
May I be human, toiling like the rest
With tender heart-beats in my chest.

Not on cold, lonely heights, above the abodes
Of common mortals would I build my fame
But in the hearts of living men
Would I write my name.

Friendship is precious, courage divine
May these be mine
I ask no crown
Such is my ambition which I here unfold
May it be granted mine is wealth untold.