Thursday, March 23, 2006

Master of humour

I started reading PG Wodehouse again and I find these books as hilarious as I used to when I was in school! The typical British backdrops, the descriptions of the wonderful English countryside, the super-cool English exclamations(By Jove!!) and of course Bertie and Jeeves. They are all back in my life and I'm delighted!

One among the many things I love about these (and other writings of humour by some good English authors) is their refusal to take any character or any situation seriously. I mean, if some of the things in these stories had happened to me or to people around me, they would have been shattered! But you end up in guffaws when you are reading these situations in these books!

Like, there is one particular story where a poor unemployed painter guy wants to marry his girlfriend but he knows his rich uncle(who gives him a quarterly allowance) will never agree. Now this uncle of his has ornithology(study of birds, bird-watching) as a passion and has written books on it. So the painter guy's girlfriend writes another book on birds and praises his uncle's books to no end all over in her book. The uncle is extremely impressed and invites the girl home. And guess what, uncle gets married to the girl!! And he asks the painter guy to paint a portrait of his baby son with the painter's ex-girlfriend!!

Just love these books!

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Wanna a new hairdo?

Check out Hairdos.com. You can search their photo archive by gender, hair color, hair length, and degree of waviness. They also offer a nice section on makeovers, giving you looks at both "before" and "after."

Along the same lines, you'll find that All Things Hair considers the above criteria as well as the shape of your face. The site also provides photos of well-known celebrities to accompany their style suggestions.

Happy hairstyling!!

Friday, March 17, 2006

Phone call

5:37 pm

“Hello?”

“Mr. Sanjeev?”

“Yes?”

“How are you this evening?”

“Uh – look, I just sat down to dinner.”

“When’s a more convenient time?”

“How about never?”

click

6:30 pm

“Hello?”

“Mr. Sanjeev?”

“Yeah?”

“How was dinner?”

“What? Oh. Hey, let’s be honest here. I can’t stand you people, always interrupting meals, T.V., time with my family. Whatever you’re selling, I’m not interested.”

“I apologize, but - ”

click

7:15 pm

ring…

click

7:45 pm

“Hello?”

“Mr. Sanjeev?”

“I thought I told you – ”

“Did you listen to the message I left?”

“You mean when you called, what, twenty, thirty minutes ago?”

“Yes.”

“You’re so annoyingly persistent!"

“Did you listen to the message?”

“No!”

click

9:45 pm

“Hello?”

“Mr. Sanjeev?”

“Ssshhhit…”

“If I could just take a few minutes of your time.”

“No. N. O. No. No, no, no!”

click

11:30 pm

“What?”

“Mr. Sanjeev?”

“O God!”

click

11:33 pm

11:36 pm

11:39 pm

11:45 pm

11:48 pm

“Listen, you idiot, I’m calling the police. I’m giving them all the numbers you’ve called from. Then I'm going to sue you, your company and your family. You got that?”

“Got it, but Mr. Sanjeev, just let me say three words.”

“You’re digging a deeper hole, buddy.”

“Kraakan Sum Tweetz.”

“Excuse me?”

“Kraakan Sum Tweetz.”

“Uh…”

“Do you understand?”

“…”

“Mr. Sanjeev?”

“…”

“Hello?”

“Shit.”

“Do you understand?”

“Yeah.”

“What?”

“Yes. Yes, I understand. Sir.”

“Be ready in ten minutes.”

“Ten minutes?”

“You should’ve listened to me earlier. Kiss your wife goodbye, then prepare for transport. Our time has come.”

“Sir?”

“Nine minutes. Midnight.”

“Yes, sir.”

click

11:52 pm

“Honey? Who was that?”

“Nobody, dear. Just another marketing guy. Go back to sleep.”

“…”

“…”

“You haven’t kissed me like that in a long time.”

“I love you. Now go back to sleep.”

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

A normal man

He didn't consider himself superstitious, just cautious. So he avoided stepping on every 3rd tile on the floor and the cracks on the footpath.

Still, there were peculiarities in his behavior some considered superstitious. Or just plain crazy.

Like his refusal to utter the word "marvellous" in public. There was no apparent reason for this phobia, except that he feared something horrible would happen to him if he ever spoke the word. Now most of us could go through life without ever even experiencing the urge to say the word aloud, but not him. Whenever he talked with friends or family, the word "marvellous" occupied the forefront of his mind, and no matter how much he tried not to think of the word, it was like trying to ignore a rhino sitting on his living room sofa watching TV. It became such a problem for him that he would often blurt out "marlovimpernel" or "maverick murgunjel" for no apparent reason. Friends thought him eccentric. They rather enjoyed his playfulness.

But this wasn't his only quirk. He also felt an irrational need to skip whenever the song "Happy birthday to you" was sung. This created a serious problem for him at birthday parties.

Otherwise, he led a nearly normal life, considering he always kept 3 handkerchiefs with him and he clicked the heels of his shoes against each other 9 times each time he wore them.

Despite his quirks, he managed. He had a good many friends. After all, while most of us strive for normalcy, the people we most fondly remember are the eccentrics. And he was certainly memorable.
He entered his car only through the back seat.

People made allowances for him because, like a young child, he was fun to be with. It was a miracle to many people, but he even managed to score well in his exams and made the next grade. At college, no one cared what he wore or how he entered his car, as long as he put his obsessive compulsiveness to good use and performed well in his exams.

But he grew uncomfortable with his own behavior. Although he had friends, he had no intimates. She lived with her mother across the street from him and was his closest confidant. "I admit I take a certain pleasure in people paying attention to me," he confessed to her. "Especially when I wear my red hat and sing tunes in the line at Food World.

"Which, of course, I must do to keep the computer and billing machine from catching fire."

"No, you don't," she said bluntly. "If you stop pedaling, the world will continue spinning on its axis, I assure you. Like the rest of us, you don't have much control over your environment. Stop pretending as if you do."

This shocked him, for no one had ever spoken to him quite like that before. He vowed to at least reduce his quirks. For her at least.

The next day, he chose not to count the tiles while walking, although he did step on all the cracks in the pavement, and, of course, kept 3 handkerchiefs. The earth did not quake. At the office, when he heard his colleagues singing "Happy birthday to you" for a coworker, he fought the urge to skip. His heart pounded and he grabbed the tops of his legs in a valiant effort to keep them still. He knew that she would remind him that logically there was nothing to fear from the song. Breathing like a woman in labor, he suppressed the need to skip. He even entered his car from the front seat like any other man. And nothing bad happened. The earth didn't crash. Nor did he lose his pants.

He reached home, went straight to his room. He felt so happy and free! "Marvellous!" he shouted with a huge grin on his face.

It was the last word that ever came out of his mouth.

The last time a clock ticked in this world.

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Software engineering

This is something I wanted to talk about and discuss since quite some time.

Software engineering is one of the engineering disciplines and qualifies to be one because like any other engineering discipline, it applies knowledge to solve practical problems. Having said that, software engg. is also very unique from other engg. disciplines.

While every other discipline be it electrical engg, mechanical engg, civil engg, architectural engg or aerospace deals with the creation(design and construction) of something very tangible, software engg. involves creating software, which can be perceived only by the mind.

It is this inherent quality of software that makes it extremely appealing to me. (I can be dramatic here and draw analogies between software and the wind, fire, energy but will refrain from doing so ;-) ). Software has no intrinsic physical structure, no rules are imposed on it by nature and it has an ethereal existence. Whatever structure it is perceived to have, we impose it.

And this is why, I feel, it is very important for a software engineer to have a basic philosophy, a fundamental paradigm, which dictates how he/she looks at software. What does a function, a variable, an API mean in the larger sense? What is it's name? What are its characteristics, features and qualities? How does it behave? What does it do and not do? How to use it, when to use it and who should use it? When these questions are answered, software comes to life. It ceases to be ethereal and comes into verifiable existence, but only to those who know the answer to the above questions.

I can give an interesting example of a colleague whose paradigm of looking at software is to treat it like a fellow human being. And it's a good one because all the above questions are very valid questions that can be asked about any human being. This colleague of mine talks about functions or variables like they are people! He uses terms like kind, strict, suspicious, funny, smart, fair, partial and many more to describe these things! (You could of course call it bad sense of humour also ;-)) He really thinks of them as we would think of real people we know. And the best part is that a lot of times, he's able to figure out how the system will behave(or should behave) in a certain peculiar situation without even looking at the code because he knows it like he knows his friend!

A strong perspective like that really helps in understanding and designing software intuitively. And it also makes things easier when you are trying to fix 10x bugs in x days!

Anyway, my point is that a software engineer must be able to look at software as some tangible entity, something real, concrete and must feel the life in it. To make the ethereal work with, for and like the real. That's the challenge.

This is the domain of analogy. Decide between what.

Monday, March 13, 2006

Starting off....

I have an ambition.
It is not to mount on Silver wings and soar away
Scorning the joys and griefs of every day
May I be human, toiling like the rest
With tender heart-beats in my chest.

Not on cold, lonely heights, above the abodes
Of common mortals would I build my fame
But in the hearts of living men
Would I write my name.

Friendship is precious, courage divine
May these be mine
I ask no crown
Such is my ambition which I here unfold
May it be granted mine is wealth untold.